Making Your Life Happen, Letting Your Life Happen

“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”.

So wrote poet William Ernest Henley in his 19th century poem, “Invictus“. Penned while Henley was recovering from the amputation of one leg & battling to keep the other – a battle he eventually won – these words express one man’s resolve not to give up on a steep uphill climb. The words have resonated with others as well; his plucky prose has been taken up by C. S. Lewis, Winston Churchill, Nelson Mandela, & Barack Obama as they fought for a leg to stand on.

There’s a fine line between making your life everything you want it to be & letting it be everything it wants to be. Let me explain the difference, & commend finding your happy – & helping others find theirs – in an unforced blend of the two.

The optimism of this year’s commencement speeches is still fresh in my ears, & I’ll observe that there are a lot of good-hearted people out there who really want everybody to achieve their potential. I – to show my hand – am one of those people. One of the prayers I find myself praying is, “Lord, please help so and so to see himself the way God sees him, & step into it more fully”. I want people to believe, & experience, the reality that the God who created them has a plan for them – a good plan. I think that is good, biblical optimism.

But at the same time, I think it’s a cruel ruse to tell someone he can be whatever he sets his mind on. Sure, there are those few ridiculously gifted people around who are brilliant, athletic, & good looking. (Not me; sigh.) And they probably can go to whatever college they want & get whatever job they want. I will observe, however, that it doesn’t follow that they are destined & called to any- & everything. In fact, I’d suggest it’s even harder for these mega-gifted people to figure out how their hearts, hands & halos come together in a life calling. The task for the new graduate – & those of us who mentor her (or him) – is to figure out what her (or his) God-given strengths are & engage them in noble endeavor.

Semi-rant: Isn’t it rather mean to tell someone just out of high school that he (or she) is supposed to be able to identify his dream, communicate it to the satisfaction of grownups, & map out a plan to achieve said dream? And do it all with heart-felt passion? Seriously, I’m kind of passionate about this. Let’s encourage young people to take good steps toward vocation – NOT tell them they’re masters of their destinies & they better have a plan or else they’re going to end up losers. I mean, really – isn’t there only room for one Master of the Universe? Okay, enough venting.

So to turn a rant into something useful: how does a person – recently graduated or not – be both responsible & open-handed about pursuing his or her destiny? This is what I’ve come to after 30+ years of practice & 3+ satisfying seasons of vocation:

• Accept finding your calling, & discovering your destiny, as a journey. Making it a box to check when you’re 18, or 22, or whenever, is setting yourself up for frustration & despair. Let the confident valedictorian articulate her 10-year plan for saving the world – if you were in her shoes, you’d probably do the same – but don’t embrace her prognostications as normative. It takes time to do anything substantial, including finding your calling.
• Listen to the perspective of people who know you & love you. You need their insight. Ask people: Hey, I’m trying to get a better handle on my strong points; what do you see as my greatest strengths? You might be surprised at some of the repeated themes.
• Pursue a better understanding of your temperament & strengths. Read books. Take some assessment instruments (“tests”) like Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), StrengthsFinder, etc. Write a one-page paper, “The Strengths I Bring to a Team”. This will give you a better understanding of your God-given strengths and empower you to communicate these strengths to others. This is not conceit; this is healthy self-awareness & giving God credit for how He’s made you. (Psalm 139 rocks!)
• Don’t bail prematurely from a job that’s not quite you, or that you don’t like. You can learn an awful lot in that situation. (Not to mention pay the bills.) Do what you’re doing until you come to an on-ramp to something more in line with your growing understanding of your strengths & your calling.
• Accept that there’s no such thing as a perfect job. (Though I’ve had a couple that came close! But they didn’t last forever.) Part of the curse of a broken world is that our work has an aspect of toil to it. (Yes, I think my theology is good here, per Genesis 3:17-19.) When you’re in a season of really enjoying your work, enjoy it as a gift, for as long as it lasts. You are not entitled to it; it is a gift, for a season.
• That said, lean into work with enthusiasm! The apostle Paul said “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23, NIV84). It is a noble thing to work hard, regardless of your vocation. And – to be very practical – it generally leads to job satisfaction, financial stability & good references when you move on.

There’s an “umbrella reason” for being optimistic about our vocation, & fulfilling our calling. The very manly shepherd / warrior / king David observed, in one of his poems, that “The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me” (Psalm 138:8, NIV84). Now you can put David in the same category as valedictorians & heads of state… or you can put him in the category of men with feet of clay who believe in God. I put him in the latter. And take my chair in the room, too.